Memory and More

Ever lost anything? Ever heard a more ridiculous question?

If you are beyond the age of two, chances are you've lost plenty. And not just things. How about names, critical pieces of conversations, whole stories of books and films you once loved, key moments of childhood, life experiences or images of travels? What or how much would you like to retrieve and how much would you like to control your retrieving?

And when the memory comes... like when you stumble across those keys and find that, not only have you found the keys, but a rush of memories floods you and you are suddenly clear as to what caused the keys to be just where you found them? Or, has your memory been jolted by a smell, a single note of a song, an old photograph that literally transported you to some distant past with such clarity that other of your senses and emotions were strongly triggered? You're suddenly "in" the backseat of that car with a single note, "in" your gramma's kitchen with a single sugary scent, or find yourself laughing or crying with the intensity you had at the time of that photo. If we're old enough to have a past and if our senses are working, it's happened to us all. These memories are forever in your cells.

Experts say that unless we have some form of physical brain impairment, our memories can continue to get better as we age, not worse. An active mind that constantly is stimulated by new ideas, making decisions, in other words, paying attention, has very little to do with whether the person is 10 or 80 years of age. Attitude and involvement are the main ingredients. New finds regarding the elderly show that those engaged in word or number games (mental exercises) stay more alert and energized, slowing down the aging process.

Even the memory experts who teach association techniques acknowledge that the chief reasons for poor memory are 1) we never paid attention to that name or conversation in the first place because we were so busy thinking about what we were going to say next or, 2) we have told ourselves so often that we have a lousy memory, that this phrase became a self fulfilling prophecy. Words are powerful, whether positive or negative, and they shape our behaviors and attitudes and belief systems.

Want to improve your memory? Simple: Use these following ideas for a 30 days. You will have found something valuable and best, duplicatable. You have nothing to lose and everything to gain.

1) When meeting someone: Make simple, conscious effort.

o Get eye contact as they speak their name and repeat it out loud as you shake their hand. Give the topThe physical anchor of touch will help to imprint the name. o Associate the name with any visual thing about them. e.g. my name is Eisen, so you might get a mental picture of my eyes way back in my head. The picture, the more ridiculous the better, will be remembered long after the sound of the name has faded.

The key is PAY ATTENTION. People have everything you want: love, respect, opportunities, referrals, information, wisdom. Respect them with your attention. Be present by learning to be quiet and an active, attentive listener. The adage "Use your ears and mouth in direct proportion to that which God gave you" will help you retain more details from any given situation.

2) When reflecting on your memory: Always be positive. Avoid what my wife calls "the Neutral or Negative Game." That's the game where when we do something well, like remember something, we consider it small, "no big deal," unworthy of attention or reinforcement. Yet the same "small" memory if forgotten, somehow looms large in our judgmental inner voice both reminding us of, and reinforcing our frailty. The reality is that everyone forgets sometime and if viewed as a single event ("I have a great memory and I forgot something") rather than some impending disaster ("Senility is setting in fast"), the experience can remain AN experience instead of THE experience or state of being.

Most people don't pat themselves on the back when they remember a name, details of directions or complex processes easily done on a regular basis. Yet, when those same people forget some, even small thing, they often resort to personally directed anger, self deprecating frustration or humor. If you've fallen prey to this kind of limited thinking, it's easy to shift with a little practice. Here's how:

When you do remember, allow yourself to have a little internal celebration, "I DO have a great memory. Look at all I can handle and stream."

When you don't remember something:

o Let go of the need for sarcastic remarks like "I have the world's worst memory," and o Avoid self deprecating jokes such as "Oh, it's my memory: as you get older it's the second thing to go," or "If my head weren't attached to my shoulders, I'd lose it."

This easy access to sarcastic humor is usually a coping or defense mechanism. The intention may be to make light of a perceived failure or loss of control, yet in reality the sarcasm simply reinforces the the limitation. It may seem easier to make a joke and move on than to take an instant and say "I have a great memory."

Either way, WE GO WHERE WE LOOK... and if our gaze is on our perceived limitation as our identity or who we are in that arena, or if we focus on our strength and see the limitation or failing as momentary, as an aberration from our identity creates destination and our path. We will take the path of more bad memory with every lost thought as evidence of our weakness, or we walk the path of memory riches by allowing a lost memory to be just a simple bump in the road. The effect of our words by our own inner voice, the most powerful voice for us, creates a self fulfilling prophecy. There will be negative reinforcement and its collateral damage weakening memory or positive reinforcement, supporting our growth for future memories to be enhanced.

The key is IT'S NEVER WHAT HAPPENS THAT MATTERS, IT'S HOW WE VIEW IT THAT EMPOWERS US or DISENFRANCHISES US FROM OUR POWER.

3) When moving through your day: Play little awareness games. Pay attention to details that catch your eyes and ears and review them through the day to keep them fresh and available. It's obviously not the minutia that may matter. It is the willed attention that is strengthening the discipline of focus. Even beyond developing the discipline of learning how to focus and concentrate, you are creating little victories. Confidence comes from creating victories and the more confident you are the better you feel about your mastery of your focus and of your self. Ah, and this IS the stuff on which self esteem is built.

4) When you do focused relaxation and learning sessions like those which I teach in my classes or simply relax for a few minutes a time or two each day: Program your identity.

Take advantage of the greater suggestibility of your relaxed mind to program a thought such as "I use my photographic memory to retain and recall all information instantaneously and accurately at will." Imagine yourself in conversation, recalling information and fluidly communicating it to others. Throughout the day you will be prompted to show yourself what you can do rather than what you can't. Results develop gradually but surely. The common wisdom is that it takes two to four weeks to establish a true, positive and permanently set new habit. The time you invest is a small price to pay for the results you will get and have for the rest of your life.